Being a newborn is soooo hard

Hi everybody,

This is Jacques Charles Salin, the newborn. Man, I never thought life on earth could be so hard!

First of all, I need nourishment every two hours, MAX! But noooo, mom's got a client and won't feed me for another couple minutes. Gee... This is unacceptable!

Then, my parents decided to purchase cheap H.E.B. diapers. They leak!! I had to wake them up four times in a row last night so they could change the sheets on the bed. Come on, people, if you were on "The apprentice: parents edition" I'd fire you faster than I can burp!

Speaking of burps... It is so difficult to do! I need to force them out. And gases, oh my God do they hurt. And what on earth is this thing attached to my belly button that won't fall off? Sigh... one more thing to take care of.

Thank the Lord I'm asleep most of the time and don't have to endure this madness all day long. But I'll get my revenge soon enough. Wait 'till I become a teenager! Ha! Who will laugh then!

And can somebody tell me when I'll gain control of my arms? I have an itch and I can only manage to scratch my entire face, missing the only spot that really bothers me.

One last thing... Stop tickling my feet!
Oooh, I'll get you back!

I'll get you back!